Professor’s tips to handle holiday stress and conflict with kindness

The holiday season comes with decorating, shopping, cooking and gatherings, making the last few weeks of the year jam packed with activities.

For many, this time of year ushers in visits with their favorite people and the return of their favorite traditions. For others, however, it can mean stress, anxiety and negative emotions.

Managing stress around the holidays is hard, but there are choices you can make to help the season feel more light and less complicated, according to Ted Futris, University of Georgia Cooperative Extension specialist and professor of human development and family science in the College of Family and Consumer Sciences.

Handle conflict carefully

During the holidays, conflicts can come up with people you haven’t seen in a while. Rather than let these conflicts get out of hand, , it is important to remember the value of these relationships.

“When you’re stressed, it’s hard to process and make decisions in the moment. Stress hormones are released, and we respond in one of two ways—fight or flight,” University of Georgia human development and family science professor, he said. “It can be so hard in that moment to think kindly, calmly and reasonably, so plan how you might respond or what you might do to manage those emotions.”

Futris suggested using the “WIN” strategy to diffuse situations.

“W stands for ‘when’ and you calmly describe the situation, I stands for ‘I feel’ and you share how that makes you feel, and N stands for ‘need’ and you explain what you need,” Futris said. “For example, ‘When we talk about politics, I feel really stressed and anxious, and I need us not to talk about it today.’ It just kind of slows things down so you can convey what you need and de-escalate the tension.”

Set clear boundaries before the event

Whether you are hosting or just spending time with family, setting boundaries can help you enjoy one another with less friction.

“First and foremost, set clear boundaries up front and do it with kindness. Clarify what expectations you have and ask if everyone can be on the same page about that in advance,” Futris said.

Futris also suggested setting house rules, encapsulating everything from talking about politics to the Falcons.

Boundary setting can also help you plan how you will react if a line is crossed, allowing you to better control your response.

“You don’t have control over what others say or do,” Futris said. “Know what strategies you will use to manage your own stress,” said Futris.

Stick to your plans

Sticking to your plans can be the difference between a perfect visit and one that stays far past its welcome.

“Plan how much time you are going to spend,” Futris suggested. “If you know you want to stay until 3 p.m. and then head home for the football game, let people know what your plans are in advance. This way, they can also plan, and feelings don’t get hurt.”

Taking care of yourself during this season is important, and if for any reason you want to skip an event or make alternative plans, do it.

“If you don’t want to spend half your holiday on the road, but you still want to see each other, find alternatives like FaceTime or Zoom or other ways just to say hello and check in and connect if you can’t make it in person,” Futris suggested.

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